Breaking: Several Thousand Hezbollah Wounded and Nine Dead

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The IDF has Hezbollah’s number. “Several thousand were wounded” and nine killed. Israel isn’t officially acknowledging they caused the “pager devices belonging to Hezbollah members” to explode “across Lebanon and parts of Syria on Tuesday.” Lebanon’s minister of health is going frantic. Hezbollah high command is, too. Because they lost a serious number of operatives, all in one whack. For the ones who weren’t killed, their pagers did more damage than just blow a big hole in their pocket. Goats across the region won’t fear being molested for quite a while.

IDF paging Hezbollah…

Nobody except the IDF had any idea that those old-school pagers were an explosive device just waiting to be detonated. Israel isn’t admitting that now, either.

The Israeli Defense Forces say maybe it was just a malfunction, or something, and shrug sheepishly. One of the nine killed was a child. Probably one who wasn’t supposed to play with dad’s pager.

Hezbollah has been talking trash and lobbing rockets, while threatening to do a whole lot worse. The IDF hasn’t been waiting for them to get ready.

Instead, they’re taking preventive measures, like blowing up the long-range missile factory in Syria that has been shipping straight across the border into Lebanon. Iran was delivering heavy firepower direct to their Hezbollah proxies like they were Amazon.

Hezbollah requires their operatives to use the obsolete devices because cell phones are traceable and easy to hack. They had no idea the IDF or anyone else could hack into pagers and make them explode. According to the Lebanese health minister, “200 people were seriously wounded.

Iran is embarrassed to admit that their ambassador to Lebanon was blasted into the hospital. Videos are circulating which show several of the explosions. Across Lebanon, hospitals are reporting “dozens of wounded people were being treated for injuries to their waist and crotch areas.

The Israeli Defense Forces say maybe it was just a malfunction, or something.

Throw your pager away

If you have a pager and it didn’t blow up, throw it away, the health ministry warns. They still have hospitals on “high alert to deal with casualties.

The IDF gets a bonus because on top of putting terrorists out of action, the entire communication network has been disrupted along with it. Hezbollah will be reduced to delivering orders by hand.

One of the reasons IDF is ducking responsibility, while clearly the prime suspect, is because they’re trying to avoid things mushrooming out of control into World War III. Lebanon “sees Israel as responsible for the pager explosions and considers the attacks a violation of Lebanese sovereignty.

Hezbollah separately “accused Israel of being responsible for the explosions and said in a statement that it was going to respond.” That’s what they said about the death of that Hamas commander in Iran a few weeks ago, when things started heading toward nuclear Armageddon.

One of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s aides didn’t help the situation when he “posted and then deleted a tweet hinting Israel was responsible for the operation.” After they gave him a slap on the wrist, “Netanyahu’s office has now cautioned government ministers not to speak publicly about the situation for the time being.

In a phone call on Sunday, U.S. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin warned his Israeli counterpart Yoav Gallant about “the devastating consequences that escalation would have on the people of Israel, Lebanon, and the broader region,” the Pentagon relates. They want him to ask the IDF for their secret to detonating ordinary pagers while he’s there. If they won’t fork it over, our DARPA teams wouldn’t have any problem reverse engineering it. Now that they know it can be done.

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Mark Megahan

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